Four minutes until I can fart!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
