he shaved USA in his pubs
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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