apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
