How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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