i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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