I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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