you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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