you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
