Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
