I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
