I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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