so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
