Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
