I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
