Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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