i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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