So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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