So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ketchup is God's man juice
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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