can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
