just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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