u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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