I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.