Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I will pee on everything he values.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
