Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.

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  (240): Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates. http://tfl.nu/bvcb
  Replies (17) Good night (3802) Bad night (806)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.

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  (504): Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time. http://tfl.nu/sw6g
  Replies (18) Good night (748) Bad night (1807)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

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  (703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3
  Replies (37) Good night (7226) Bad night (846)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!

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  (732): I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body! http://tfl.nu/a54s
  Replies (22) Good night (4931) Bad night (799)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

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  (239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16
  Replies (7) Good night (3679) Bad night (936)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

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  (920): he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up http://tfl.nu/v5zl
  Replies (23) Good night (8090) Bad night (1184)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.

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  (505): Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming. http://tfl.nu/efp8
  Replies (4) Good night (934) Bad night (2580)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty

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  (253): She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty http://tfl.nu/bhaz
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (2832)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.

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  (570): no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from. http://tfl.nu/zs5p
  Replies (8) Good night (777) Bad night (2256)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.

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  (774): I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard. http://tfl.nu/r66v
  Replies (7) Good night (2182) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?

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  (903): We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer? http://tfl.nu/09oa
  Replies (2) Good night (1421) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.

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  (561): I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree. http://tfl.nu/yxk6
  Replies (11) Good night (1537) Bad night (558)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"

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  (732): Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??" http://tfl.nu/dlt9
  Replies (7) Good night (1095) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?

  (469): View more from Texas

  I still had a cough. It only makes sense

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  (314): So you drank bourbon with cough syrup? (469): I still had a cough. It only makes sense http://tfl.nu/3kpq
  Replies (2) Good night (641) Bad night (341)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something

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  (703): If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something http://tfl.nu/ij26
  Replies (1) Good night (374) Bad night (331)

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