Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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(815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q

Replies (24) Good night (921) Bad night (4379)
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(631): View more from New York

did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??

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(631): did you know you can prarie-dog a fart?? http://tfl.nu/q6p3

Replies (12) Good night (945) Bad night (2177)
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(757): View more from Virginia

6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.

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(757): 6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter. http://tfl.nu/kp9e

Replies (42) Good night (5481) Bad night (946)
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(239): View more from Florida

so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

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(239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx

Replies (15) Good night (3462) Bad night (1187)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.

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(919): All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on. http://tfl.nu/8snd

Replies (15) Good night (5531) Bad night (1120)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.

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(919): You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad. http://tfl.nu/r24i

Replies (12) Good night (1275) Bad night (2288)
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(773): View more from Illinois

What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.

(1-773): View more from Illinois

Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.

(773): View more from Illinois

We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?

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(773): What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat. (1-773): Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious. (773): We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru? http://tfl.nu/d3s4

Replies (7) Good night (1570) Bad night (535)
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(315): View more from New York

max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet

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(315): max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet http://tfl.nu/2t6q

Replies (4) Good night (1156) Bad night (718)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.

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(615): She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light. http://tfl.nu/1kuc

Replies (8) Good night (1735) Bad night (690)
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(979): View more from Texas

Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.

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(979): Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log. http://tfl.nu/tdyo

Replies (3) Good night (524) Bad night (965)
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(509): View more from Washington

Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.

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(509): Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it. http://tfl.nu/l3y2

Replies (2) Good night (943) Bad night (537)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.

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(610): All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship. http://tfl.nu/y1t2

Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (327)
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(720): View more from Colorado

There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11

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(720): There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11 http://tfl.nu/c0x5

Replies (7) Good night (1323) Bad night (396)
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(845): View more from New York

Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.

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(845): Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus. http://tfl.nu/x306

Replies (0) Good night (522) Bad night (1010)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.

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(216): I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen. http://tfl.nu/tj0a

Replies (1) Good night (242) Bad night (120)

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