You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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