wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
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Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.