Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
