Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
