My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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