Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
