the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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