Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
