what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
