I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
