do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
