he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
