So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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