shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
