I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
