Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
