Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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