her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
