overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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