I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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