Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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