went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
