I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
