Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
