Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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