What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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