two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
