Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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