He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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