I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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