We're like a lot better than the average bears
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
