i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
