I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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