Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
