turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
