The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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