Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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