brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
