i just wanna soil my oats bro
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
