oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
