Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
