literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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