just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
