wrigley field is MILF paradise
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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